5.23.13-5.26.13: Maryland Death Fest

I meant to write this sooner, but I haven’t been doing much writing over the past few months. Blame a lack of initiative. Little did I know I just had to venture into a shitty Starbucks to get my creative juices, and bowel movements, flowing. They go hand in hand for some reason. Anyway, I’m going to Maryland Death Fest this year! Its a trip I’ve been wanting to make for some time despite being ‘over’ the festival experience. Besides, I’m not sure I can top the trifling, sex fueled weekend that was Coachella 2007. “Death Fest” didn’t really strike me as a place where I’d want to get ‘fresh’ because ‘fresh’ is not a word that comes to mind when I think of Baltimore or “death fest”. So, rather than try to turn the 4-day festival into my personal fuck party, I had the idea to convince some of my favorite writers/journalists/bloggers/personalities in the Metalsphere to have a massive meet up. I envisioned our posse to be as large as The Orphans from that film The Warriors. With more denim, and some women!

I took to twitter, and befriended every metal head who’s ever made me laugh, think, or want to throw acid on their finger tips. It took some prodding, and payola, but eventually everyone I originally wanted to meet up with accepted my prestigious MARYLAND DEATHFEST 2013 group invite on FACEBOOK. Amongst some of the miscreants that I harassed are: Grim Kim Kelly (Catharsis PR, Road warrior), Aaron Lariviere (former editor-in-chief Invisible Oranges, Beer aficionado), Dave Schalek (About.com, Heavy Chicago accent), Andy O’Connor (Crustcake, Pitchfork, Magic City), and Zena Tsarfin (Clear Channel, that time she called Baroness ‘blokes’ on TV) to name a few. I’d name the rest, but I don’t want to brag. They’re all smart, and sexy, and successful people. Trust me.

I’m looking forward to seeing Pig Destroyer, Abigail, SLEEP, Bolt Thrower, Speedwolf etc. amongst others  – but I’ll be posting a day-by-day breakdown. Maybe some other band will surprise me. Or eat me alive before spitting me back into the pit. I can’t wait.



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